Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day Hahahah

Well, it's been a while, and I thought I would actually sit down and write a legit blog. In looking over my entries over the past few months, I realize how much I have done and seen and written and get a glimpse of what my life in New York is like. I feel more at home here than ever. The city has been good to me and good for me, helping me grow, forcing me to face myself, and challenging me to do better. In the past weeks, its boundless energy, ambition, and beauty has carried me through my time of grieving. I am skipping church today to stay at home, in part, because I worked late last night and work this evening, in part to get some things done at home, and mostly because it is really cold outside, and I just don't have it in me today. Mid-February (how can it be mid-February already?) has found me with a case of the sniffles and lots of snot - gross. My scratchy throat has been tested by the ever-long list of specials each night at work. Speaking of work, we are gearing up for one of our (supposed) biggest days of business tonight: Valentine's Day. I have never been much of a fan of Valentine's Day. Now, perhaps it's because I have never had a designated Valentine to devote an entire day to. An entire day devoted to what? Overspending, overindulging, and high-anxiety over the disastrous potential of a poorly planned February 14th. I find I am indeed in the right business for this ill-meaning holiday. As a denizen of the dining and entertainment world (they're in the same category on your credit card bill), I get to cash in on the sentiments of all those straight, square suckers around me. And at $65/a head plus drinks, I'm sure we are going to get 'em for all they're worth (though I'm sure it will be a beautiful meal and the most enchanting experience). I think it'd be funny to put small inserts of lube and Spanish fly into the guest books tonight, though it is probably not the best idea and undoubtedly declassé (a term that haunts and hangs over my being each day). Alas, I am sure I will be a most proper gentleman and host this evening, wanting nothing but to create a magical experience for all involved. Admittedly, I do derive quite a bit of pleasure from making my customers happy, spite them I may do from time to time. I clearly live in a world outside the powers of Cupid's arrows, as I awoke this morning rested, thinking what a lovely Sunday, not a hint of V-Day in my thoughts (V-day has to be the most depraved abbreviation of a holiday, even worse than X-mas. it makes me think of venereal disease infected veterans - disgusting!). I could ask myself, "Why is this?" or feel sorry that I have no supposed-soulmate to spend the day with. However, I find myself being very thankful for the little life I live, a solitary existence all my own, an individual independent and free of mind. While I may not be embarking on a physical/personal relationship at the moment, I find myself deeply wrapped in a very serious commitment: my yearning to perform, my art, my craft, and my deadset desire to have a career on and around the stage. That relationship, perhaps my first love, has brought me to New York City, one of my other great loves. Though I may lack a human companion, these two great powers, the stage and the city, have embraced me and kept me. They get me out of the bed in the morning, and hold me when I am lonely at night. I have been so blessed since I have been here, I have no doubt God is in my favor, and He is taking care of me. So very often nowadays, I look to Him who gives me strength, who has guided me through the storm. This Valentine's also has me yearning for my family. I miss everyone so dearly. My mind travels to Jessica's death more often than perhaps I like, flashbacks of the funeral, the plane ride back, the hospital, keep coming back to me, reliving what will undoubtedly be one of the defining events of my life. As I look over photos of Jessica and her facebook profile, I get a glimpse of the mystery of who my sister was. Her complexities, her beauty, her humor, and her intelligence. It still seems such an unreality for me that she is not coming home again, that I won't see her next time I am in the Broad Meadow. My heart also goes out to all the wonderful friends, the ones I am blessed to be with here in the city and those with whom I have had to maintain more of a text/phone based relationship. Yesterday, I had the most wonderful time brunching with a group IU alum at a hip place called Cafeteria in Chelsea. It was so good to see everyone, to catch up, and indulge in eggs and mimosas (again, drinking before work seems to be the best recipe for a great night in my apron). Who would have thought there was such an IU contingent in New York? I am so thankful that I have still had familiar, loving people around me, even while in this strange city. So, in retrospect, it seems my valentines go out to friends and family, to dreams and far off, fantastic places. This weeks holds more work, more auditions, and attempts to break into the biz. After catching up on a few plays, my reading schedule has returned to classic literature and the Brontë sisters, this time Jane Eyre. After a slow start, I am quite enjoying it, and find myself relating to Jane: the cold, infuriating superiors, less than desirable food (aka family meal), and a yearning for something more. That yearning and hunger has been stronger in me than ever before, that one force which ultimately makes or breaks everyone in this business. Here's to all of us getting lucky today and this week!

1 comment:

  1. Oh how I do love to read your words...they jump off the page for me. :) XOXO!! Love you!!

    ps..JUST saw Karen last night in the role of Mrs. Fairfax in Jane Eyre:The Musical. My buttons were popped when I walked out the proud. :)