Monday, February 1, 2010

Getting It Done

Since I have been back in the Big Apple, much of my time and focus has been on getting things done. Finishing the run of my show, returning to work, paying bills, picking up headshots, going out on auditions, pushing myself to go to the gym. Some days are filled with exciting things, like new restaurants, movies, family, old friends, or plays. Today, while I was standing in line for a not-so-exciting audition, Brooke Shields walked past me in the hallway. She is taller than me and so skinny! I was equally surprised to see her as I was surprised by the group of 12 year olds (Billy Elliot brats) oooing and ahhing, scrambling to get a picture. I guess some things never change. Others are more concerned with simpler tasks like taking out the trash, washing dishes, visiting the bank, mailing bills, and cleaning my room. Whatever the agenda, it has been important for me to keep somewhat busy each day, both for my own sanity and the satisfying feeling that I have accomplished something that day. Monday, I woke up early, headed into the city, and got lots of errands done around the house before heading to work. Just getting out of bed in the morning, getting dressed, and stepping out of the house makes a huge difference. While I had some free time this weekend, I made sure to occupy it somehow. I had a most delicious brunch with my good friend Carrie form IU, a fellow IU graduate that I have neglected to see until now (she does live in Brooklyn you know). Our reunion took place at Essex on the Lower East Side, home to super trendy crowds, long waits, and unlimited mimosas. My manchego macaroni and cheese and chicken sausage hit the spot just right. Earlier that day, I had a failed attempt at going to church. Running late (as usual) and venturing to an unfamiliar part of town, I arrived at the church about fifteen minutes late to find the doors locked. The doors locked! Apparently, they share a building, and this is for security purposes. I guess things are indeed a little different here! (I long for the days when I went to Union Missionary Baptist [read: Black church] in Muncie, and we never started on time) I instead ventured to the nearest Starbucks, calming my nerves in a grande café latte and an attempted private devotional I mostly sat there and cried and listened to songs that remind me of Jessica. Cracking up in public may seem a strange thing to you, but in New York everyone looks a little off, so it's totally fine. I fit in right next to the man clipping coupons, the sleeping man, the babbling man, and the Hassidic Jews. Like I said, I am getting things done, and indeed grieving is one of those that I know awaits me for many days to come. Though it is hard and strange, I am trying to embrace this season of my life, to allow myself to grieve, to feel pain, to be angry, to be completely mad at the world, yet see its beauty all around. I am back to work, back to blogging, my reading, auditioning, and struggling to live the dream (or at least fulfill my own dreams). Who knows what awaits this spring and summer? I am hoping and praying for good things, for something to help with the pain, as well as career opportunities. I could easily be in New York this summer or anywhere in the country, performing summer stock. And who knows when the wind will blow me back to Indiana. For now, I am trying to see the things directly in front of me clearly, praying for prosperity, direction, and protection.

1 comment:

  1. I've been sitting here trying to come up with words to respond. I can't find the ones that adequately, perfectly describe what's in my heart, but I'll try.

    First of all, you know I love your writing! I can see myself there, experiencing everything you are, as you describe it in such a way that draws me into it.

    I continue to pray for you, for your mom & dad, for Christopher. I am thankful for this process of grieving you're allowing yourself to go through. Painful? yes! Crucial? most definitely! It's what allows you to look back as time will pass and recognize the good that God has formed out of the heartache and pain.

    I love you dear Bradley! I rejoice for you and pray for you and support you as you continue on your journey!!