Journey Back to Me

After what seems like an eternity, a nightmare, a dream, I find myself woozy and once again in the city. The grey (or is it gray?) lady welcomed me back this morning with open arms, sunshine, clear skies, and a cabby that even spoke English. Due to a sparsely attended flight, we all were able to sit up front in business class, though I opted for the free chance to snooze instead of booze this time. I hope and pray New York will be enough to mend my broken heart, to take me into its immensity and buzzing life and return me a new person, stronger, finding some kind of peace, once again moving and doing and dreaming. As I have said before, these past two weeks have been so strange, and I find myself without precedent as I attempt to cope with the new dimensions of my life. I have been so completely surrounded in prayer and the precious company of family and friends; I cannot thank everyone enough for their support. But after the flowers, the casseroles, and the days of no school or work end, how do we go on? Do we just pick up where we left off and keep on truckin'? How can I continue to live my life and follow my dreams, while still acknowledging this cruel reality? Is it possible to wear memories of my sister on my heart without the hurt overcoming me? These are among the many questions that linger and await me down the road.

Speaking of prayer, I have done more praying and churching and Bible reading than I have done in a long time. While I never lost my faith or stopped letting God's principles serve as the basis for my morals, He has not been the focus of my life as He once was, left on the shelf while I pursued other interests and goals. It has only been through prayer and the work of His people that I am here today. Revisiting the Broad Meadow, my home church, and an old way of life, I feel reunited with my lord and re-ignited in my spiritual journey. I am so completely impressed with the new minister at our church (he began only a week before the accident) and am sure of the marvelous things he and God will do in that church in the near future. Upon returning to the city, it is my attention to find a new church family - wish me luck. In this city of brunchers and boozers and busses, can I walk the line between the politically liberal and the fervently faithful? Can I invite God in without compromising the person I have become?

In cinematic news, I had the opportunity to see It's Complicated, the new Nancy Meyers film starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, with one of my very good friends, Miss Amy Hert. The movie was funny and mostly light, exactly what I needed, and the company was second to none. Later, we were joined by two of my other dear friends, Lawrence and Ben, for mischief and martinis at the Cheesecake Factory (but sadly no cheesecake!). Although the movie follows a typical plot for Ms. Meyers, Streep and Baldwin (and don't forget Steve Martin!) give remarkable, commanding performances that made the film something worth watching. When I see Meryl Streep on the screen, I so often see her character, not Ms. Streep herself, and though I am on to her to typical ticks and patterns, each performance is fresh, different, inspiring. And how can fat, old Alec Baldwin still come across so sexy? How can he steal scenes from both those more youthful (the pathetic actors picked to play their children) and masterful (the many time nominated Meryl) with such a shameless ease. Shameless is exactly what Baldwin or at least his character is, and I couldn't have loved it more! No statues are probably not headed toward their complicated way, but certainly this film is worth giving a glance, if not just for the gorgeous scenery and mise-en-scéne. Little reprieves like this are most necessary for getting through my own complicated little life.