I Did Not Meet Serena Williams Today

Yes, at the outset of the day, there was a chance that I, Bradley the country mouse, was going to have the chance to meet the multi-Grand Slam champ at a Barnes & Noble book signing this morning. I got up semi-early (as good as I have done yet) and ventured to midtown to meet the ferocious star. After rushing over to the bookstore about an hour before the signing, I made it up the escalators to the "event area" in which the signing was to take place. After taking my queue (or so I thought) in the already heavily formed line (who knew there would be that many people there, especially after her recent code violations), I began my wait next to a bunch of comics. Not a minute later, I was informed by B&N security that it was necessary to buy the book to participate in the book signing (apparently, that's all she came to do: no speech, no reading, just selling some books). Feathers ruffled, I made my way downstairs to purchase the book. $30. $30 for a hardcover book by Serena Williams. I gulped and took the plunge, sliding my brand new Gap Visa card. So, book in hand, I head back upstairs, guns ablazing. Again, I park in line, preparing to wait for Serena. Once again, I am swiftly approached by security, this time very rudely informed that I must wait outside to even get to the upstairs queue. Now, maybe it was the long line, maybe it was the $30, or the rude attitudes of the B&N security, but I had had enough. Downstairs I did go, but this time straight to the service counter where I promptly decided to return said $30 book and leave the store. When asked why I decided to make this decision, I told the service girl that her coworkers were very ready rude and put the B&N in its place. Did they know who they were talking to? I am going to become very, very famous one day, and Serena is going to want a signed copy of my book! Fumed, I left the store and headed down 5th Ave. I decided to spend my $30 on new shirts and underwear instead of that goddamn book (which will probably be heavily discounted at the Strand in a year). The rest of my day was spent reading, emailing my resume to everyone who put up a Craig's List Ad, and eating everything in sight. I am planning to head to my first audition tomorrow morning, and I am terrified. It has been a long time since I have auditioned, and I feel rusty, out of practice, and a little unsure of myself. But, I know I need to go and break the ice, if anything just to be seen and get some experience auditioning in New York. And after the first one is over, hopefully there will be many, many more to come. Maybe I will buy myself ice cream afterwards, that's always nice after you have to get a shot or your mom takes you shopping or you go on an audition. So, here goes, let's hope I remember the words and somehow find the key. And what to wear?!?